In which Hannah's writing style gets markedly more grumpy, and we introduce Haikus with Ryan and Luke's diary of Delhi Belly woes.

Sorry about the lack of photos. Tomorrow will be entirely photos.
Sunday:
Today, Alice and Hannah got up Early (read about half 7) to go to an Anglican church, followed by much meandering around Old Delhi (though largely spending time in Haldiram's drinking lime soda or wanting to be in Haldiram's drinking lime soda, given that the heavens opened and Hannah almost became the subject of the Dr Foster nursery rhyme). We had good, sincere intentions of visiting the Red Fort as a group today, but, in terms of paving, it turns out that the road to the Red Fort is much like the road to Hell. Alice and I ended up going together, while the others saw it later. We think. They might have spent the day at a Spa for all we know. Anyway - emotions towards the Red Fort seemed to be mixed, and much of the time was spent trying to prevent locals from taking pictures of us. The Hiss and Claw seemed to work particularly well. Except when Hannah did it at someone who wasn't actually taking a picture of her. She's so self-absorbed. She's even writing about herself in third person on the blog now.

Monday:
New project began today - and we also met the Rickshaw Sports Project, who are working in Delhi for the next week. They seem lovely. The Cambridge to non-Cambridge ratio of Smyle Inn is getting vaguely ridiculous.
Connaught place (google it) is beginning to feel like a level in Inception. Connaught Place is one of The Worst Places in the World, but Stockholm Syndrome is beginning to sink in. We keep ending up there...
So - our placement, the only thing actually worth talking about. We're working with ABHAS (A Better Health and Society) this week, and have about 70 children between the age of 10 and 18. It's Absolute Chaos, but we're really enjoying it. Particular highlights include Holly doing what has now become the Closing Dance, the kids all wanting to shake our hands at the end of the session (70 of them. Go on. Picture it.) and the boys insisting that Ryan get them girlfriends.
Oh, and then a lads on tour (+ Hannah) pilgrimage to the Temple of the Golden Arches, where all is sacred and deep-fried. Thank you, Ronald. Thank you.
Many of the noises that have come out of our mouths over the last few days have been a variation on 'aaaaarrggghh'. We're coping marvelously.

Dear Rickshaw Drivers of Delhi,
You are not playing Mario Kart. Or Grand Theft Auto-rickshaw. Nor does 'No' mean an invitation to a complex battle of the wills in English. No, I will not get into your rickshaw when I live down the road. No, I do not want to go to the Bazaar owned by your friend before going home. Nor do I believe your meter is broken.
To the Rickshaw Drivers we have met who daily restore our faith in humanity, however, we say thank you. And your mode of transport is still the most entertaining in India.

***
a small haiku cycle

oh rickshaw driver
why must you deplete my funds?
can't we just be friends.

head's wet, pesky bird?
rain, but not the normal kind.
smell like a wet dog.

(Ryan Ammar)
***

Luke's side diary

Tuesday 13th August - before bedtime
Really like this group, going from strength to strength!

Wednesday 14th August - mid-morning
Held up the group this morning. Must have been those green chillies yesterday!

Wednesday 14th August - evening
I'm sure I can hold on...this film can't be that long.

Thursday 15th August - 3am 
Well shake it up baby! Twist and Shout!

Thursday 15th August - 4pm
Feeling quite shoddy, but at least I've got Ryan and Josh. Three best friends who can't be separated no matter what happens. We'll be laughing about this in Amritsar tomorrow. Ryan's come down with the lurgy, and so has Josh, but I think he just wants to fit in. We've sung songs about a little boy

Friday 16th August - 3pm 
Ryan and Josh are a no go for Amritsar. Could I go on my own? Yeah. Definitely. It'll be fine. I've got locks. This is fine.

Friday 16th August - 8pm
Watching Braveheart. Feeling quite Sikh.

Saturday 17th August - Late afternoon
Ryan and Josh have left. Standing is not the one, has never been the one, could never be the one. Broken the record for most visits to the toilet. Like Connaught Place it's white, covered in stains, and though I have to go there a lot, I never, ever want to go back.

Sunday 18th August - Afternoon
Weakness has set in. Starting to make friends with the shadow of my squeegee and pants hung up to dry.

Monday 19th August 
FREEDOM! SWEET FREEDOM!

In which we actually left the hostel

Joshan 'surrendering' to Delhi

The fact that 3 of our group had to evacuate their room this morning after their toilet exploded might give you some perspective on just how upsetting the Bowel Diary has been of late.
Generally feeling better today, though still a bit like soggy digestives. We had to leave Luke at home when we went out today, and in a moment of utter delirium he decided to spring-clean.  The experience may well have killed him. We're not entirely sure yet.
Fortunately, we didn't actually have to navigate ourselves round today - we met a friend of Becca's who is moving to Delhi (she's either completely badass or completely insane) who herded us along with wonderful tact and many stops.

So - off to Old Delhi we went. We visited Jama Masjid, the largest mosque in Delhi - and the girls had to put on robes that made us look like Queens of Narnia. Which we were fine with, through the layers of sweat. This was followed by a trip to a nearby Gurdwara (we've been getting our religion on this trip) which was blissfully cool, though I think most of us were slightly confused for most of it...

Then, back to the same Indian fast-food chain - Haldi Ram's. If you live in Birmingham or London (or Singapore, or some other places - including, oddly enough, Jerusalem) you can visit your local branch.  We ate tomato and garlic pasta. And nearly wept with joy. We're doing really well at acclimatising culturally.

Oh, and whilst in Haldi Ram's, Nika tried to engage in 'local chat' by piping up with a 'booty shake' when one of the chefs started singing a rendition of 'get on the dance floor' from Chennai Express. Rather than impressing, she was met with the kind of alarmed stare you would give someone who had just publicly exposed themselves.

Then More Of The Rain, a ride back in a 5 seater taxi which somehow held 8 of us and the driver, and we're back to watching some gloriously bad television. We start our new placement on Monday, so updates on tomorrow and meeting the new kids after that.
In the meantime, some pictures you've missed out on, including a couple from Wednesday's workshop.

Some of the ladies get their gap yah on...

Having a little dance

HAPPY FACE

In which India has made curry of all of us, and Nika takes a turn at writing :)

Wednesday night was dinner and a visit to the cinema to watch the Chennai Express. To quote Alice, both the best and worst film ever made. The Bollywood film was worthy of such superlatives as the cinematography made Luke and Hannah vomit immediately afterwards.

Possibly the funniest line from the film : Nature's calling...hello nature?
Two crucial lessons we learned : "Don't underestimate the power of a common man", (though we're not convinced if he was quite as common as he claimed, as he was able to withstand about 157 982 punches from a giant) and "It's good to be important, but more important to be good".  Deep stuff.
In contrast, the lyrics to one of the songs were as follows:
"One two three four
Get on the dance floor
Booty shake booty shake..."

Independence day (15th August)
Possibly the most inconvenient day on which to be British and indeed, India took its revenge in the form of a severe bout of Delhi Belly and we were thus unable to participate in the festivities.
Men and boys on rooftops flying kites and listening to Rihanna's Rude Boy, chinese lanterns being let off into the night sky...and promptly falling back to the ground, and an optimistic attempt at a firework show.

Unfortunately, we don't have any pictures from today's workshop, as there wasn't one. The few relatively healthy members of our team faced another Indian hurdle - monsoon rain. The kind that seeps through window frames and causes blackouts. The kind that transforms Delhi's streets into rivers of...well, in case you're reading this at dinnertime, let's call it liquid chocolate. Do what you will with this analogy.
Anyway, we are planning on returning to Jan Madhyam next Thursday to replace today's workshop.

And finally, a few lines directed mainly at our families, and anyone else who is concerned about the state of our Bowel Diary. We're still in one piece and are looking forward to this weekend, as we plan on wandering around the Old Town and visiting the Red Fort. And if today's post seems curiously ineloquent, it's because Hannah is currently rolled into a ball.

In which Joshan fought the ceiling fan and the ceiling fan won.

The Bowel Diary has taken a turn for the better, largely due to large numbers of mangoes and kiwis being purchased by Nika. She now has a small monopoly on fruit sales in and around the Smyle Inn, New Delhi - though general agreement over the status of 'antioxidants as A Thing' has yet to be agreed by the group.

This morning's theatre session was preceded by 'Yoga with Nika' for the RTP Team. A wise man once observed that yoga is the most violent of the meditations, and today he was proved right. For, as Joshan stretched up to the Indian sun of his homeland, his reverie was brutally cut short by a ceiling fan. As was his finger. Almost. Joshan 'liability' Chana: 0, Ceiling Fan: 1.

So - after confirming to the teachers that we are in fact insane by presenting them first thing with a bleeding Joshan and then asking to play games with their children, much Mime followed. Really great to see confidence levels and general willingness to participate/show-off increase - some of the highlights included an extended mime mocking Luke's (lack of) moustache, Alice bringing ballet to India (and being taught some moves in return) and a Charlie Chaplin-esque slipping over one's own discarded banana skin.

Bert and Ernie, and the look of love...

Other highlights have included:
- Seeing our first heavy monsoon rain
- Holly and Becca buying out a good half of an Indian Supermarket in order to binge on All of the Biscuits
- Ryan being headbutted by a fairly self-absorbed cow
- Alice resorting to passive aggressive facebook messages as a way of getting Hannah to 'please move her toiletry bags off the top of the loo'
- The fact that 'Delhi Police' have their own jingle (seriously - youtube it or something. It's great.)
-Girls on tour to Jantar Mantar for much bantar. This included seeing a group of girls who looked way more gap yah than us and hating them on sight.

That's all for now, folks. See y'all tomorrah x

In which it turns out that a boring Bowel Diary is a good Bowel Diary

Apologies for brief absence over the weekend - no internet, and a lot of not-botheredness... BUT WE'RE BACK.
The weather has finally hit us (and so has Delhi Belly) leaving us looking and feeling like crumbling pieces of damp tissue paper. Except for Helena, who always looks fabulous.
We did, however, see a monkey sitting on a motorcycle, and a lady kick a man off the women's section of the metro. Delhi is so badass.
Haggling has also happened. With varying degrees of success/rage/threats/Nika's winning smile.

On Saturday we all got whiny and went to hide in the emphatically air-conned National Museum - and giggled like 10 year olds at cheeky Krishna and his round boobed women. Not to mention the Smiling Cows. And the thought of Gandhi and Darwin making friends in Joshan's multi-cultural wallet. Even bank notes are funny in India.
While in the museum, Luke discovered that coins are boring. And he doesn't like them. And he always seems to have fewer of them than he thinks he does. He has, however, vindicated himself by becoming traffic Moses - not since the Red Sea has anything been parted so successfully as the waves of beeping horns that make up Delhi roads. Apparently the zebra crossings here were just painted on as some kind of sadistic joke.

Sunday - an alarmingly American style Indian church was followed by an alarmingly American style Indian fast-food chain, and a Very Sweaty Park.
Oh, and Nature Points became a Thing. Though handing them out for seeing a cow is a little suspect, since their method of meandering across the streets of Delhi with complete disregard for traffic is remarkably similar to the approach that tourists take in Cambridge.
We also went to a wonderfully bizarre puppet show - though Joshan found the acting 'a bit wooden'. It is symbolic of our sleep deprivation that this joke is still genuinely hilarious.

We began our first placement today at Jan Madhyam. Gap Yah type comment alert - they are such beautiful people... We're working with about 30 3-17 year olds with varying disabilities - including cerebral palsy, hearing and visual impairments and various learning disabilities. They have little English, we have next-to-no Hindi, but we do have a couple of very helpful translators and the universal language of The Clap And Smile. And the fact that ball games, miming and 'Grandmother's footsteps' are great everywhere. Much excitement about what will follow in the next few days as we try to start some more 'theatrical' stuff...

Oh, and we're also planning a range of Ganesh Plushies. Stay tuned.

In which we confirm that Joshan is, in fact, Indian.

Some highlights from today:

THE DELHI METRO IS UTTERLY GLORIOUS. As in, an air conditioned haven of cleanliness in an otherwise brutal world. Boris Johnson, take note. Not to mention women only carriages. 

Interestingly enough, we were informed by a passing man that 'London is a diamond, studded in... you know what I mean...' No, no we don't. He hadn't heard of Bradford, the emerald in the belt of the North - much to Helena's distress. 

Size jokes. Funny in every culture. 

Joshan got crushed by the tube doors today, which is punishable by up to 4 years in prison. But he can get away with such foolishness. Because he's Indian.

We saw some cows today. They're allowed to hold up traffic and indulge in PDA here - two things humans aren't allowed to do. 

We went to visit the our centre for next week, where we'll be working with children and young teenagers, some with learning disabilities. They were lovely, and offered us water to drink. Hannah vindicated herself by being the only one to drink it. Bowel updates to follow.

Oh, and did we mention that Joshan is, in fact, Indian?

Some Joshan highlights from today:

Joshan having an Indian flag pinned to his t-shirt by a stranger.

Joshan 'coronation chicken' Chana getting checked out by Indian girls. He's so irresistibly east meets west.

Joshan loudly smelling his money in public. It smells Indian. The smell of home.

Joshan being given some fatherly Indian advice - that his shoulders are 'too skinny for him to have a wife'. 

Holly learning some Hindi

We also thoroughly enjoyed...

Listening to Ryan singing along to Avril Lavigne in an Indian coffee shop.

Helena cracking after two days and chowing down on spaghetti, while Luke ate some chilli and cried. Videos to follow.

Auto-rickshaws creating merry hell in the street.

Becca nearly punching a man who tried to sell her 'a beautiful ring for a beautiful woman'.

Byeeee x x

Indian spaghetti...

YAY FOOD

In which we arrive and try to bond despite sleep deprivation

We've been in Delhi about 12 hours. A quick update:
We found a Dalek at Heathrow
The weather here is like been gently cradled by a warm, slightly damp armpit.
Ryan has begun a Team Bowel Movement Diary.
Helena has survived her first day chili free.
All puns/jokes pertaining to Deet were exhausted after an hour in the airport.
Joshan discovered that he is in fact of Brahmin origins, and has since been less inclined to carry his own bag.
TOMORROW, WE RIDE. (the metro).

Cuddles from the crazy city x x x